Who am I when I am in transition?

Written by Céline Anaya Gautier

January 08, 2023

👨👧👦 I am asked if I am not afraid to leave my children with their father?

⛰️ People ask me why you are going to Peru just before going to Jerusalem on foot?

🌹 People ask me what time and how I decided to walk 6,000 km over a year in the footsteps of Mary Magdalene ?

🙏🏽 I am asked if as a woman I am not afraid to cross a Muslim country?

🚸 I am asked how I am going to live without a home, without attachments, without a frame?

📿 I'm asked if I've really become godly or that godly?

⁉️ I am asked, I am asked, I am asked...

👀 I see well in the gaze of the Other, the one who observes my transformation through the preparation of my journey, his anxieties and own fears.

🐍 I reassure you, that doesn't stop me from being clear-eyed about mine.

But what can I say?

I feel like I have been on the road for 46 years and that I am rich in questions and doubts.

I have the feeling that I no longer belong with those with whom I have been walking since the beginning of time.

In fact, this year, in me and around me, everything exploded!

I feel like I am so in the present and in my place without necessarily knowing where I am, who I am and where I am going...

But YES, of course it's scary to see your whole frame falling apart without being able to do anything about it... And at the same time, do I want to do anything?

SHOUT STOP!!!

🛑✋🙅🏻♀️✋🛑

STOP IT?

I feel so alive without having any idea of what is going to happen.

I feel something inside me bubbling up.

I feel like I have to let it out and express itself... I've never been shy about that!

I feel my body vibrate at the mere thought of going on the road and live fully the inner and outer journey in what represents for me the most complete stripping.

I feel a compelling need to write and share all this transformation with whoever wants to walk with me through my words and my pains...

Am I Pious? Do I have godliness in me?

The rebel in me would say no! I don't submit to anyone, neither in the visible nor in the invisible! This life has been offered to me alone and I alone want to live it as I wish.

The spiritual in me would say NO! Not because I don't believe in God... On the contrary. But God seems to me so great and indefinable that I can't imagine that we can lock him up, define him or translate him by a religion.

RESULT...AGAIN I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM OR WHAT I AM!

This is so exciting, thrilling, intoxicating!

What a chance to imagine BEING the totality of what exists in the field of possibilities.

I touch with my finger my happiness...

🌹 Being at the right time of my Being 🌹

The only certainty in me is that going on a year-long adventure to try to find out who I am is the best gift I can give myself...

✨✨✨ THEN HERE AND NOW, I MAKE MYSELF AVAILABLE TO ME TO TOUCH WITH MY FINGER THE WONDERFUL BEING THAT GOD, THE UNIVERSE, THE PACHAMAMA OR AS YOU WISH TO CALL IT, HAS CREATED FOR ME TO DARE TO BE WHO I AM AND WHO I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN! ✨✨✨

Celine in search of herself...🌹

Marcher avec les enfants : la plus belle des écoles buissonnières Loin des salles de classe et des écrans, il existe une école invisible, celle qui s’apprend au rythme des pas et du vent dans les arbres. Marcher ave
🌲 L’Oracle du Lundi 🌲 “Quelle est ta peur ? Marcher m’a appris à écouter mes peurs plutôt qu’à les fuir. Chaque pas sur Compostelle, chaque souffle dans la nature, m’a guidée vers pl
⭕️ Marcher avec son enfant, c’est lui offrir bien plus qu’un voyage. C’est lui transmettre une leçon de vie : il est plus fort qu’il ne l’imagine, plus résilient qu’il ne le croit. C’est apprend
✨ “Aujourd’hui, JE SUIS.” Un simple murmure qui devient une affirmation. Une vérité qu’on oublie parfois dans le tumulte des jours. Accepter sa beauté et sa singularité, c’est embrasser ce
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LÀ OÙ NAÎT LA LUMIÈRE: I dance in my rainstorm
LÀ OÙ NAÎT LA LUMIÈRE: I dance in my rainstorm

RESIST TO EXIST: THE ART OF NOT LETTING YOURSELF BE EXTINGUISHED. There are silences that kill, absences that confine, acceptances that bury us alive. We live in a world where everything is designed for us before we even have time to ask ourselves the question: Who am I? We are shaped, molded and trained. We are not born free... We must wrest this freedom from the clutches of an established order that only wants us to submit.

THE DANCE OF THE POSSIBLE: Ode to uncertainty...
THE DANCE OF THE POSSIBLE: Ode to uncertainty...

THE DANCE OF THE POSSIBLE: Ode to uncertainty

Life brought me back.

After 16 months of travel, of a breath that carried me from France to the shores of my origins, I stand here, facing the multiple reality I've constructed. It's not a return, it's a metamorphosis. But today, I have to be everything at once. Mother, photographer, author, director. Pilgrim of the senses and souls. I have to reopen sleeping projects, carry fragile dreams, guide paths that don't yet exist. To produce my podcast L'Odyssée de l'Être, to open the Via Magdalena like a sacred door, a passageway to the essential. All without any guarantees.

THE ALLEGORY OF THE SEED.
THE ALLEGORY OF THE SEED.

I'm writing to you from the place where it all begins: my heart.

It was at the bend of a sacred mountain, at the foot of a river whose waters seemed to whisper the secrets of the world, and in the heart of a land that still bore the traces of the first lives, that a seed guardian entrusted me with an allegory... He spoke to me of seeds. Not just the seeds we sow in the furrows of the earth, but the seeds we carry within us. These invisible, fragile yet powerful seeds are home to our dreams, our hopes, our truths and all that still slumbers in silence.

Céline Anaya Gautier
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